Self-awareness – get to know yourself

Self-awareness is more than noticing signals and being curious. It includes understanding your motivations, strengths, vulnerabilities, reactions and recurring patterns, and how they shape your choices and relationships.

• Understand what I feel and need
• Recognise what triggers or influences me
• See recurring patterns and reactions
• Know what matters to me and why
• Notice the difference between what I really want and what I do through habit, fear or adaptation
• Understand how I affect others and relate to them

Each observation can become a small piece in your understanding of yourself, giving you more room to make conscious choices.

Choose one moment from your day and write: What happened? What did I notice in myself? What might I have needed? Be as concrete and kind as you can. You do not need to reach a solution to make room for reflection.

Choose something small: a conversation, a break or a moment when you felt engaged. Return to what actually happened and leave room for more than one possible explanation.

You can keep the reflection brief and stop at a single observation. Then ask: Is there one small thing I would like to do differently? Sometimes the answer can be to pause and return later. You do not need to understand everything at once.

Try narrowing “Why am I like this?” to “What happened in this particular situation?” The aim here is a useful observation, not thinking your way to a complete explanation of yourself.

Choose something you have noticed and one small action that responds to that need. If you want more room for rest, your first step could be leaving a small pocket of time unscheduled. Continue with self-leadership or explore Create Change – Inside Out.

Decide how you will notice whether the action met the need. Perhaps the break became possible, or you discovered a practical obstacle. Both give you something to work with when choosing again.

Start with a concrete situation and ask what you needed more or less of there. It might be rest, clarity, connection, personal space or help with a task. Treat those words as possible descriptions to try, not a definitive answer.

You can also compare two occasions: when did something feel easier, and what was different? Then choose a small way to make room for a possible need and notice how it works for you.

You can explore your values by looking at moments that felt meaningful and asking what you appreciated about them. Was it closeness, freedom, care, learning or something else? Describe the value in your own words with an everyday example.

A value then needs to be translated into something you can choose. If closeness matters, ask how you want to give a relationship attention this week. Read about self-leadership when you want to move from understanding to action.

Here, self-awareness is a curious exploration of what happens within you and what you need. Self-criticism often becomes an evaluative conclusion about yourself. Try separating an action you want to understand from a judgement about your whole self.

“I postponed the conversation” describes an event. “I always fail” makes it much larger. Start with the event and ask what was difficult and what you want to try next time.

You can begin with what happens in your life now, without first explaining your whole background. An everyday observation may be enough: when do you feel engaged, what do you avoid and which needs keep returning?

Past experiences may raise questions, but the exercises here do not require a deep review of them. Choose a manageable reflection and leave the rest open. You decide how much to explore or share in a first conversation.

In my online programme Skapa förändring – Inifrån & Ut, we also explore how our history and background influence us today. Understanding where reactions and patterns come from can help you meet yourself with warmth, soften self-criticism and make conscious choices.